Let's Play Pokemon Pearl Part 6: Late Night Stroll Through the Park

Their parents set up the meeting, but have a secret for them.

Machamp: This may shock you both.
Machampina: Damn, just tell them. One of you is adopted.
RokHardAbs: That's not a surprise, BrownChop looks nothing like you guys.
Machampina: Actually, you're the adopted one. Plus, we don't like you.

RokHardAbs was obviously upset at the news, and will not be joining us for a while to cool off. Another update: Kricketot has fallen ill and the Pokemon Center tried all they can to help him...

Good riddance to a horribly useless Pokemon. Now let's get on to serious business.
Just south of Floaroma Town, is a path leading to:

TM09 - Bullet Seed - Hits foe 2-5 times with seeds.
This attack is the grass-type's equivalent of Fury Swipes.

Heading north, we meet with many trainers and items.
Rt. 205 extends between Floaroma Town and Eterna City, with Eterna Forest in the dead center.

Camper: Ponyta lvl 14
On an ironic note: He never left for Eterna Forest.

Hm, what do we have here?

Aw, fuck. It was just a X Attack, I think I'll just leave that there before the onslaught of battles.
X Attack - Boost your Pokemon's attack for the battle.

Is this the game's excuse to throw somebody with Rock, Ground, and Fighting types at us? Throw a Hiker near the forest, I guess it works.

It was a trick, she made us smell a gloom.

It's even longer when you just walk in circles instead of going on the path to the city.

Hiker: Geodude lvl 11, Machop lvl 11, Geodude lvl 11, Bidoof lvl11
Aroma Lady: Budew lvl 14
Camper: Geodude lvl 14
Hiker: Onix lvl 14
Empowered Woman: Machop lvl 15

To be politically correct, I changed the name of the 'Battle Girl'.

I wonder sometimes, if it's a spray bottle, how do you have such a limited amount of steps? Couldn't you just spray a bit now and a bit later?

Absent: Pokemon is NOT a game!! This is real life!

Picnicker: Piplup lvl 14

In the middle of Rt 205, there is a Brothel. That guy with the hat heals your Pokemon, while the girl....heals you...

She's been there for a long time, but still doesn't know what there is? What a loser.
Picnicker: You're the loser, playing Pokemon.
She's got a point...
Picnicker: Shinx lvl 12, Pachirisu lvl 12

If steps leading to nothing wasn't an obvious location of a hidden item, I don't know what would be. They should do this, but set a trap to paralyze our Pokemon, just to fuck with us.

We finally reach a re-used idea. Just like Viridian Forest, Eterna Forest can be skipped after you get to use Cut, and in both cases, it's completely pointless (unless you want some free items).

Well, what do we have here?
Absent: I'm Absent, it's a pleasure, Cheryl.
Cheryl: Would you accompany me through the forest. You're cu--, I'm scared to go alone. (bats eyelashes)
Absent: Of course I'll go with you. I'll protect you no matter what.
Cheryl: You're so nice. In exchange...
She completely heals all our Pokemon after each battle. I think she got her Chansey from nurse Joy.

To the west of the entrance is an Antidote, which was not used once in all these double battles. They should save these items for when I need them.

What kind of horrible Psychic are these? I sense Miss Cleo can give a better reading. As far as that bond is concerned, I've never been a man that was into bondage.

Bug Catcher/Lass: Pachirisu lvl 14, Wurmple lvl 9, Beautifly lvl 13, Silcoon lvl 11
Psychic Duo: Abra lvl 15(x2)
Bug Catcher Duo: Wurmple lvl 9, Burmy lvl 12, Kricketune lvl 12, Dustox lvl 13, Cascoon lvl 11
Psychic Duo: Meditite lvl 15, Psyduck lvl 15

These trainers were a piece of cake. Cheryl could have made it through with ease without my help, but glad she came along and healed me. It is time for her to depart and do whatever she needed to do past this forest.

Cheryl: Thanks, Absent, I owe you.
Absent: Is there anything you can give me? *Wink wink*
Cheryl: Sorry, no. I have no items or anything, well bye.

We don't even get anything extra after escorting her the whole way? What a rip-off.
To make things worse, here is the standard bridge full of fishermen.

Absent: Oh, you know it honey. *Roar* (Claws at air)
Fisherman: Goldeen lvl 14


No, no, no, WHY!?!? Why do they keep making the one fisherman with six Magikarp that only Splash?

Fisherman: Magikarp lvl who gives a fuck(x6)

Fisherman: Magikarp lvl 10(x2,why?), Goldeen lvl 13
South of the the Fishermen bridge is an item they need more than me:

Hmm, "History Living"? Wonder if that's going to add to the plot somehow.

Absent: Really? What did you do about it.
Person: Laugh and flaunted the fact I still had all my Pokemon.
I wouldn't want to have a friend like him, what a dick.

Though I hate saying "That's what she said"

I'll counter that joke with this:

That's what I said!

We know Team Galactic is evil and have evil intentions, so how the hell do they have their own building that they can steal people's Pokemon. Wait, are there even cops here? I haven't seen Officer Jenny around.

Looking for Team Galactic's hideout, we run into this random girl.
Absent: Yeah, I stole...
Cynthia: Who cares? I'm a trainer, named Cynthia. Who are you?
Absent: I am Absent, I'm from...
Cynthia: I didn't ask all that. Are you that attention starved that you want to tell your life story to anyone you meet?
Absent: Fine, I'll stop
Cynthia: Shut up and listen already. Here in Eterna City there's a statue of a mythical and all-powerful Pokemon. Maybe if you spoke less and did more, you could see it for yourself.
Absent: Wow, that's cool.
Cynthia: You really don't listen. If you don't stop, I won't try to help you.
Absent:...

HM01 - Cut - It's been the same deal since Pokemon Red/Blue.

After being so rude to us, she's actually pretty nice. Before we can use that HM, we must do something.

That's right, another Gym battle, and is that an item to the right?
This gives me TWO cliffhangers:
-Will Absent defeat the Gym Leader?
-What is in that Pokeball?
The answers are probably, Yes and something worthless.

Let's Play Pokemon Pearl Part 5: The Never Ending Story

Welcome back, short update, Abra and Starly are now teenagers, and want to go by Kadabra and Staravia.

The Return to Jubilife is short-lived as we must venture up north to Floaroma Town, but first we head west:

How is he just going to whip that out at us like that?

Absent: Please don't make this weirder than it already is by calling it that.

Well, we have a fishing rod, so let's fish!

We must wait until there is a "!" over our heads,

Then we press the A but...um, I mean reel it in.

Unfortunately, the Old Rod only attracts Pokemon that have their mouths open for anything, aka Magikarp and Feebas

Sometimes you get nothing at all. What? Fishing is boring? How can you not appreciate a fine sport like fishing? Fine, we'll get back to some plot...

Damn, and I took my sweet time to avoid this.

Absent: What's going on here?
Rowan: Rabble, rabble, rabble.
Absent: HOW DARE THEY?!

Rowan: It's Prof. Rowan!
Absent: Calm down, I'll get rid of these guys.
Mystery man: Isn't my name cool right now? It's so mysterious. Oh yes, script, Hahahaha, Give us all your research data and we won't hurt your assistant.
Dawn: You can't handle me!

I guess she meant "us". Since this is our first double battle, I will show a feature only available in these.

With names like that, what else would they be?

Galactic Grunts: Wurmple lvl 9, Zubat lvl 9

This is the screen to choose which of the Pokemon we will attack, notice that the Pokemon on our side is also on here, this can be to use moves to assist the other Pokemon, build up stats or...

Damage them yourself. :P

Grunt: Team Galactic is above all else, now we depart.

So, this is Team Galactic, the main gang with some sort of world domination plot, doesn't sound familiar in the least.

Rowan: They are after the energy that is released from when a Pokemon evolves.
Absent: What could they do with this energy?
Rowan: I am not sure, but this power is an amazing force that should not be trifled with. Anyway, nice fight Absent, thanks for getting rid of that scum.

Bill Nye the Science Guy segment? In MY LP, I am honored.

Dawn: Prof. Rowan also studies the evolution of Pokemon, and has found that 90% of Pokemon have ties in evolution.

NOW YOU KNOW!

Absent: Who the hell are you?
Perez: I'm Perez Hilton, for some reason I am working at a TV station here.
Absent: I'm not even surprised anymore.
Perez: Well, I got this for you so you can doll those cute little animals up.
Absent: They're called Pokemon.
Perez: Bitch, I don't care, they look like animals to me. Anyways, here.

Perez: Send me pictures of those adorable little things.
Absent: They are called PO-KE-MON!
Perez: Whatever, don't get your panties in a bunch.
Absent: I don't wear panties...
Perez: Oops, I guess some people just don't. Teehee.

Perez: Well, see ya, honey!
Absent: -_-'

Fashion case holds accessories which we can dress our Pokemon in, for contests and such.
Let's head on over to Route 204 and the road to Floaroma Town, and quite a few trainers along the way.

Overconfident trainers with weak Pokemon. Why?
Lass: Bidoof lvl 7
Youngster: Magikarp lvl 5, Starly lvl 5 (His dad must not love him)
Lass: Budew lvl 7

This is the most overly dramatic name for a cave in the history of Pokemon.

Antidote is used to heals the poison status from our Pokemon.

To the west of this "Ravaged" path is TM39.
TM39 - Rock Tomb::Rock -It may lower speed and cause the opposing Pokemon to flinch.

Absent: Okay, you do that, and while your distracted, I'll beat you!
Aroma Lady: (sniffing flowers) You said something?
Absent: The scent of a rose fills the evening air.
Aroma Lady: How poetic.

Nows, our chance, ChimpsAhoy, Kill those bitches with Ember!

Aroma Lady: Budew lvl 7, Cherubi lvl 7

Awakening is an item used to treat our Pokemon of herpes. Should not be used by Pokemon who smoke, or have kidney problems, contact Nurse Joy to find out if Awakening is right for your Pokemon.

Bug Pokemon are the joke of the Pokemon world. The types they are effective against, Grass, Psychic, and Dark, can probably own them before they get touched.

Bug Catcher: Kricketot lvl 7, Wurmple lvl 7

OMG, TWINS! And look what they are telling me, it's like a dream come true.

WTF? How old are they. If it's not what I'm thinking, they just killed my dreams.

Twins Liv & Liz: Pachirisu lvl 9(x2)

Now we are in Floaroma Town (finally), to the north we find two Galactic Grunts talking:
Grunt 1: I feel gay standing around these flowers.
Grunt 2: Stop your whining, little girl, I don't like being here either. Bug and Grass Pokemon are ewwies.

We can't do anything with them now, so let's invade people's houses.

We get rewarded for something that should be illegal, again.
TM88 - Pluck::Flying - If the foe has a berry, the attack does double the damage(120) and the user takes the berry's effect.

In the Pick a Peck of Colors Flower Shop, we get the Sprayduck.
Sprayduck can be used to water berries planted in the ground, if there are multiple ones in a line, you can spray them all.

Plot, plot, plot, plot, plot.

To the east on Route 205 we find a little girl, who needs help.
Little girl: My Papa is being held captive by some weirdos in space suits.
Absent: Do these weirdos have bowl haircuts and look like Elton John?
Little girl: Yes, that's them.
Absent: Damn you, Team Galactic!

Grunt: I was ordered to only let Team Galactic members in.
Absent: I am in Team Galactic.
Grunt: Yeah, right. You don't even have the stylish haircut and chic clothing. Let's battle, and when you lose, you leave.

Galactic Grunt #132: Glameow lvl 11

Grunt: Well, I didn't say I'd let you in, I will just lock myself in.
Absent: Is there any other key?
Grunt: Yeah, in Floaroma Town, some members were posted by the meadow. I can tell they didn't really like being there, I think one of them hates Bug Pokemon.
Absent: Thanks for the info. See ya!
Grunt: Huh? Wait...(dammit)

What did we walk into?? o_O

They are REALLY into the group thing.

Absent: Did the Cat in the Hat summon you guys?
Grunt 1: Oh, look a witness has come this way,
Grunt 2: He will not beat us, not today.
Grunt 1: I will be first to battle you, little brat,
Grunt 2: Then I'll exterminate you like a rat.
Absent: STFU, and battle me!

Grunt 1: Wurmple lvl 9
Grunt 2: Silcoon lvl 9

Grunt 2: Why'd he have to make this plan so rough?
Absent: ARRGGH!!!
Grunt 1: Okay, okay, now we'll go,
Grunt 2: Since you're acting like a ho.

Now we can get into Valley Windworks.

It was a different kind of honey, what a relief.
This honey can be put on trees to attract Pokemon, at least 6 hours must pass before a Pokemon shows up, and after 24 hours, both the honey and Pokemon will be gone.

Grunt: I have to warn the Commander of this incident that I have nothing to do with.

Between that coward and the Commander are two more Grunts.

Grunt 2.56: Cascoon lvl 11
Grunt V: Wurmple lvl 10, Glameow lvl 10

She's kind of hot, too bad she is in a cult, I wonder if the carpet matches the room(or something). They always get the dumb ones. To prove she is dumb, after MY Pokemon got poisoned, she asks that question.

Commander Mars: This doesn't spoil our plans to create a new, better world. I enjoyed our battle, so I will leave here respectfully, but this is not the end of Team Ro...Galactic!

Papa: Is full of psychos, they are talking about creating a new universe with the energy of Pokemon. They need to all be institutionalized. At least now, I can see my little girl.

Little girls shouldn't know that kind of language, but who are we to judge?

Papa: You don't even want to know why I smell like that...

I covered a lot of ground today, so I think it's time to take a little break with my Pokemon.

Next time: One of my Pokemon is terminally ill, will he die? RokHardAbs is reunited with his estranged brother, but what will they do when they find out the dark secret their parents held from them for all their lives? Find out next time on All My Pokemon.