Let's Play Pokemon Pearl Part 7: Just for Rath

Before we continue where we left off, let's get into how evolution works . . .

Well first, we catch our little Pokemon off guard, and there's no better time than after they just leveled up.

Then we throw that dark matter shit from Metroid Prime 2 on them.

Then they mutate from little adorable Pokemon, to a semi-bad ass Pokemon. You have to give it some time before you can catch them off guard again to turn them into a complete bad ass. At this moment, they'd be expecting it.


Well anyway, back to the story. We've all been waiting a long time for the unveiling of the contents of that little pokeball that lays in the behind the Eterna City Pokemon Gym. Did you know that Pokemon is a contraction for Pocket Monsters? Pretty interesting stuff isn't it . . . oh, and Pikachu was Ash's first Pokemon, which he was stuck with because he overslept the day he was getting his first Pokemon. It actually turned out great for him since he eventually ended up with a Bulbasaur, Squirtle, and Charmander anyway. Oh, and somehow, on his first day as a trainer he saw a Ho-oh, which didn't even exist in the Pokemon world at that time, it makes me wonder just how many Pokemon were planned that far ahead of time. Did they just create Ho-oh off of a random Pokemon they created just for the purpose of stating "Not every species of Pokemon has been discovered"? Oh yeah, and what was Ash thinking using Pikachu against Brock, when would that ever equal a win for anyone else? . . . Oh, I'm not stalling at all . . Oh yeah, the contents of the ball. We get a . . .

Oops. Right item, wrong game.



Hells yeah. This is obviously more useful than a lowly 20 HP healing potion. Especially at this stage where your Pokemon should have ~40+ HP. Now, onto the main event, THE ETERNA CITY GYMEXCLAMATIONPOINTS

Hey, there's that guy that builds our self confidence. Let's have a little chat with him, I'm actually kind of nervous going into this Gym.

Absent: I feel nervous. Hey, do you really think I'm going to be the Champ?

Dream-Killing Asshole: You don't seem any more special than any other damn Pokemon trainer that walks in here.
Absent: Stop being so mean :( I will be the Champ, I'll prove it to you and I'll prove it to everyone else.
Dream-Killing Asshole: Is that why some people call you Abshit?
Absent: D= Fuck you, I never wanna speak to you again!

Absent: /0_0\ SHUT UP, I SAY!
Dream-Killing Asshole: But, you can't do it without me.

You know what, I'm not going to do anything to him . . . yet. I just calmly walked away from him after that short ordeal. The Gym Leader, Gardenia (Sarcasm Mode: I wonder what kind of Pokemon she has), is standing right there to greet us.

Gardenia: ...they've beaten all the other trainers. Aren't I creative?
Absent: What's so creative about that? Most other Gyms work in the same way, though you usually can avoid some trainers.
Gardenia: Who cares, here, my trainers are hiding, only visible by the keenest eye.

Yeah, I'm really sure she means that. Dammit, I don't think I'll ever be out of sarcasm mode in this Gym. Anyway, as far as gimmicks go, this is one of the weakest. Remember in other versions? Most didn't have gimmicks, but the ones that did included some decent ones; Trivia, invisible walls, pushing the walls in a right order, that puzzle where you can't step on the same tile twice, but this one has you playing Hide and Seek. What are we, ten? owait . . . there's no indication to our age in this one(someone prove me wrong), though earlier versions have the protagonist at age eleven.

Absent: yeah, I hope your back is ready, too.
Gardenia: What was that?
Absent: Oh, nothing =I

Alright, time to explore this extremely difficult maze of a forest to find those great trainers that should take up a profession in hiding instead. -_-

Absent: Oh where, oh where have these little sluts gone, oh where, oh where can they be?

Hmm, is that tree growing some bad moss? It must be, because it can't be any of these ninja-level trainers.

How dare you trick me into thinking you're moss >:0

Pedobear: I APPROVE!!! *Snatches Lass Caroline and runs*
Absent: Damn you, Pedobear. You're stealing away my EXP and my hint for the next trainer.

I have no idea where he came from, but dammit. I guess I could still tell you what Pokemon she had.

Lass: Cherubi Lvl 15, Roselia Lvl 15

Like Absorb!

If she battles as well as she hides--okay fine, no more sarcasm on that topic. On a related note, these trees are kind of annoying since I like to see myself at all times.

I think she's a lot older than that Lass so no need to worry about a certain someone coming to steal her away. Though, what are those little dots all around her? I always thought those were only used to indicate that a character is drunk.

Aroma Lady: Budew Lvl 14, Budew Lvl 13, Budew Lvl 15

Apparently, she's not the type that likes to try new things.

That sounds a bit morbid, as if she's contemplating suicide. Maybe she's just come to terms with the fact that age will catch up to her faster than she would hope. We should console her.

Wait, she's giving us a hint to where the next trainer is. Forget consoling her.

WHHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTT?!?!?!!?
We're surrounded by nothing but FUCKING TREES!!!

Oh, she meant those. That was easier than I thought. Hehe, I hope nobody finds where I buri- uhh, I mean, Wow, here's another trainer, LET'S BATTLE!

Absent: You smell more lovely than flowers.
Aroma Lady: Forget battling me. Take me now, and I'll tell you where the last trainer is after we're done.

I guess this is what happens when you spend most of your time in a Pokemon Gym filled with women. I'm not complaining :)

Aroma Lady: Turtwig Lvl 17

If you catch her drift :smug:

She wanted to go with me there for round 2, but I have a job to do here.

Hey, there's the flowers, but I don't see anyone. Holy shit, this one's the real deal. A real ninja. The best of the best in concealing her location. I may be here for a while searching for her. She may be under the leaves, or maybe underground with one of those flowers resting on her head as a disguise.

. . . or maybe her bright blond hair sticks out like a sore thumb. :( And this one actually had potential.

To make things worse, she's a blond bimbo. Damn ditz. -_-

*I will not make a Lindsay Lohan joke*

Beauty: Roselia Lvl 17

Absent: Stop fucking giggling!
Beauty: Why ever would I do that? Giggle!
Absent: I will fucking kill you.

As I went to punch her, she kicked my balls, forcing me to the ground in a fetal position . . . and then she giggled over me.

After I recovered, I went straight to Gardenia, never looking back and that Beauty ever again.

I think I'll just stand here for a while. Let's she if she ever gets tired of me staring into her face without saying a word.

I cave in after our 20-minute staring contest.

Absent: Any relation to Erika?
Gardenia: Shut up! You're not supposed to know about her.
Absent: It's possible, there is TV and all . . . but my point being: Notice something about her name and your name? HER'S ISN'T SOME HORRENDOUS FUCKING PUN! (especially considering some punny names are real names, but Gardenia?)
Gardenia: I had to change my name, whoever the Gym Leader is at this Gym, must change their name to Gardenia for the duration of their stay.
Absent: Hmm, that explains a lot.

She has a lot more to say, so let's let her get to it.

Gardenia: I was completely right. You have this winning aura about you. Even though you have a high chance of beating me, let's at least have some fun with this battle.

HOLY SHIT, SHE TURNED INTO A GIANT!

DAYYYUMM
. . .when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you get sprung . . .

Gym Leader Gardenia: Cherubi Lvl 19-Took 2 hits, Turtwig Lvl 19- Took 2 hits, and

A Roserade (Lvl 22) that she has so much confidence in, she begins some smack talk.

I didn't say a word, but I don't think I have to. I don't even have to attack and her Roserade will faint. Why does she have so much confidence in this Pokemon?

Gardenia: I'm sorry you couldn't defeat me though.
Absent: What are you talking about? I did win.
Gardenia: It must have been hard to train your Pokemon to that level, and it still wasn't enough to defeat me.
Absent: -_-
Gardenia: I kind of feel sorry for you though. So I will grant you this:
I don't know what her deal is, but who cares? I can now use Cut outside of battle. \^o^/ wooo
Aside from that, all Pokemon will obey me, muahahaha. Hmm? What's that? Pokemon received in trades up to level 30 will obey? Meh, still not a bad deal.

Gardenia: You know, since I feel bad for beating you.
Absent: Give it a rest.

Goody, a TM

It's basically just like Low Kick, but a Grass-type move.

Since we now can use Cut, let's go find out what's in that Eterna Forest shortcut.

. . . and yet that tree is still there. What a rip off.

I just knocked over the tree with my bear hands, that I ripped off an Ursaring.

Razz Berries (damn puns) are dry and spicy.

Bluk Berries (is it supposed to be black berries?) are dry and sweet.

Cheri Berries are spicy.

Oran berries are spicy, dry, bitter and sour. The relevance of how they taste will be revealed at a later time.

Well, I don't really care much about accessorizing, since I have balls and all.

Did she just reach next to her and took one up by its roots? I don't think I want to mess with her D=

It's so super! It's like the latest fashion trend, having a big tree with you at all times.

Oh yes, south of her, we find this Pokeball. I won't go on and on before opening this one.

Just what I needed! Drugs!

That's some good advice. I don't want them thinking otherwise.

It's not a terrible TM, it definitely helps out Rest, in that it takes away that handicap of not being able to attack for two turns, but all in all, I find it useless. Even when your Pokemon gets hypnotized, it'd be better just to use awakening or something.

I'm sorry not much happened in this update, but a lot of action will be happening soon! Next time: Team Galactic-Crazy Cult or Revolutionaries?

As for why that screen shot's there, no reason really. Unless you want to tell me who I should take out on the adventure with me :)

In any case, you may or may not see them doing too much action.